Gulf War Memoirs
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Gulf War Memoirs
...I guess I should tell the "shit-burning" story. A lot of
veterans out there probably know what this sort of thing is all
about, but if you've never served in the military you may have
been kept in the dark about what could possibly be the real cause
of the mysterious "Gulf War Syndrome." I swear to God I'm not making
this story up.
When you're stuck out in the middle of nowhere (whether camping or
on a military operation), one of the most important things is keeping
clean. Keeping clean means keeping the chance of illness down. Makes
sense, right? The Army calls this field hygiene, amongst other things,
and it covers more than just making sure soldiers get a shower every
2 weeks at the minimum (I can't recall the actual regulations, but I
know that it's a different amount of time for men and women; shorter
for the women). It also covers where you're going to throw your dirty
water and...yes, human waste.
If you're in one place for a really short amount of time, the Army
says you can just dig a 1'x1'x1' "cat hole" and take a dump in it
there. There are three disadvantages to this:
1.You need to dig your hole before you really need to shit.
2.You're going to be squatting above a hole in the ground.
3.If there are a lot of people in your group, you're eventually
going to run out of places to dig.
When we got to Saudi and rolled out into the desert in October 1990,
we stayed in the same spot for about three months (during the big
build-up of forces in the region). Digging holes wasn't a practical
solution for a battalion of50+ people because we'd eventually have to
walk all the way to Syria to find a place to dig a hole. Thus was
revived the grand tradition of the "Latrine burn", more commonly known
as the "shit-burning detail" (a "detail" is military-speak for a job or
task given to low-ranking people who haven't found a way to get out
of it). I believe it originated in Vietnam or perhaps the Korean War,
but I may be mistaken.
The government (either ours or the Saudis) contracted the local
labor (usually Pakistani) to make hundreds of cheap wooden 4-seater
outhouses, under the holes of which halved oil drums were placed.
Theoretically, the "cans" would be removed daily and the contents
would be burned, thus eliminating tons of American shit that would
otherwise have to go somewhere and would probably result in a major
ecological disaster.
Note that I said "theoretically." You see, shit doesn't burn well.
Even the Army knew this, so we were told to douse the contents of the
shit-cans with gasoline.
Unfortunately, I think shit ranks right up there with asbestos in
terms of non-flammable materials. We would pour at least five gallons
of gas for every two cans' worth of shit, and the stuff would only
partly burn. What was worse, it was often hard to get the fire started
because most of what we had was diesel fuel. If you've never worked
with diesel gas, let me give you a brief summary: diesel burns hot,
but takes a lot of heat to get it going. I have seen lit matches drowned
in diesel. So we usually had to mix regular gas (used in the Humvees)
with the diesel...the regular gas would ignite and in turn ignite
the diesel, which would burn hot enough to incinerate some of the
shit.
While it was burning (and it would usually take a couple of hours for
the stuff that was going to burn, to burn out) you would occasionally
have to stir it...usually with a metal pole used for holding up
camouflage netting (we had plenty of these poles so we didn't have to
replace them at the end of the day -- thank God). Now if you think
regular shit is pushing the extreme limit of foul, you've never seen,
smelt, or heard burning shit. It produces black smoke that doesn't rise
very high but drifts for miles and smells like...well, burning shit. It
sounds like a deep-fat fryer...you know, what they put french fries in
at Burger King. But like I said, shit doesn't burn. And even after
burning the contents twice, you often had as much as 50% of the
original material left. So...what the hell do you do with the rest?
That's right, you bury it. In a hole. Sound familiar?
So after doing all of that, you would still have to dig a hole and
pour the pudding-like remains in there (which made a "blorp" sound),
then burn the can again to get rid of anything that refused to be poured
out.
As awful as it sounded, shit-burning detail was actually one of the
more popular jobs to be "stuck" with, once the benefits were actually
realized. I know, I know, you're wondering "what the hell is good
about burning shit?!?"
Well for one thing, because they didn't want you burning shit in the
middle of camp, you had to load the cans up in a Humvee or a truck and
drive a mile or so away. This meant that you were able to get away
from the officer-induced, gearing-up-for-war bullshit that was taking
place. Instead, you could just light the cans and relax with a book
or headphones for a few hours. As long as you were upwind, in the
shade and had plenty of water (remember, we're in a desert) you were
set. Other than a few disgusting minutes, it was the closest thing to
a day off we had over there.
The rituals of other Army units differed, but this was the norm for
Headquarters company,12th Military Intelligence Battalion, 1st Cavalry
Division. I hope you've enjoyed being grossed out almost as much as
I've enjoyed grossing you out.
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Entered on: 09/19/2006
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