How To Shower

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How To Shower


How To Shower Like A Woman

 1. Take off clothing and place in laundry hamper compartments
    according to lights and darks.
 2. Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see your
    husband along the way, cover up any exposed flesh.
 3. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror and 
    stick out your gut so that you can complain about how fat 
    you're getting.
 4. Get in the shower.  Look for facecloth, armcloth, 
    legcloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.
 5. Wash your hair once with Cucumber and Lamfrey 
    vitamin shampoo.
 6. Wash your hair again with Cucumber and Lamfrey 
    vitamin shampoo.
 7. Condition your hair with Cucumber and Lamfrey conditioner
    enhanced with natural crocus oil.  Leave on hair for 
    fifteen minutes.
 8. Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 
    ten minutes until red raw.
 9. Wash rest of body with Ginger Nut and Jaffa Cake body wash.
10. Rinse conditioner off hair (this takes at least 
    fifteen minutes as you must make sure that it all comes off).
11. Shave armpits and legs. Consider shaving bikini 
    area but decide to get it waxed instead.
12. Scream loudly when your husband flushes the toilet and you
    feel a pulse of cold water and momentarily lose water pressure.
13. Turn off shower.
14. Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower.  Spray with Tilex.
15. Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of a 
    small African country. Wrap hair in super absorbent 
    second towel.
16. Check entire body for any signs of a zit. Attack with
    nails/tweezers if found.
17. Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and 
    towel on head.
18. If you see your boyfriend/husband along the way, cover up any
    exposed skin and rush to bedroom to spend an hour 
    getting dressed.


How To Shower Like A Man
 1. Take off clothes and leave them in a pile.
 2. Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see your wife along the
    way, flash her making the "woo" sound.
 3. Look at your manly physique in the mirror and suck 
    in your gut to see if you have pecs (no).
 4. Get in the shower.
 5. Don't bother to look for a washcloth. (you don't use one)
 6. Wash your face.
 7. Wash your armpits.
 8. Laugh at how loud it sounds to pass gas in the shower.
 9. Wash your privates and leave hair on the soap bar.
10. Wash your butt, leaving hair on the soap bar.
11. Shampoo your hair. (do not use conditioner)
12. Make a shampoo mohawk.
13. Pull back shower curtain and look at yourself in the mirror.
14. Pee (in the shower)
15. Rinse off and get out of the shower.  Fail to notice water on
    the floor because you left the curtain out of the tub the 
    entire time.
16. Partially dry off.
17. Look at yourself in the mirror, flex muscles.
18. Leave shower curtain open and wet bath mat on the floor.
19. Leave bathroom and fan light on.
20. Return to the bedroom with towel around your waist.  
    If you pass your wife, pull off the towel and go "Yeah baby".
21. Throw wet towel on the bed.  Take 2 minutes to get dressed.


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