New Barbies

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New Barbies


Now, at long last some NEW Barbie dolls to coincide with
the more realistic process of aging gracefully.

 1)  Bifocals Barbie. Comes with her own set of
     blended-lens fashion frames in six wild colors
     (half-frames too)!  Neck chain and large-print
     editions of Vogue and Martha Stewart Living.

 2)  Hot Flash Barbie.  Press Barbie's bellybutton
     and watch her face turn beet red while tiny drops
     of perspiration appear on her forehead!  With
     hand held fan and tiny tissues.

 3)  Facial Hair Barbie.  As Barbie's hormone levels
     shift, see her whiskers grow!  Available with
     teensy tweezers and magnifying mirror.

 4)  Flabby Arms Barbie.  Hide Barbie's droopy triceps
     with these new, roomier-sleeved gowns.  Good
     news on the tummy front, too: muumuus with tummy
     support panels are included!

 5)  Bunion Barbie.  Years of disco dancing in stiletto
     heels have definitely taken their toll on Barbie's
     dainty arched feet.  Soothe her sores with the pumice
     stone and plasters, then slip on soft terry mules.

 6) No More Wrinkles Barbie. Erase those pesky
     crow's-feet and lip lines with a tube of Skin
     Sparkle-Spackle, from Barbie's own line of exclusive
     age-blasting cosmetics.

 7) Soccer Mom Barbie. All that experience as a
     cheerleader is really paying off as Barbie dusts
     off her old high school megaphone to root for
     Babs and Ken, Jr.  With mini van in robins egg
     blue or white, and cooler filled with doughnut
     holes and fruit punch.

 8) Mid-life Crisis Barbie. It's time to ditch
     Ken.  Barbie needs a change, and Fred (her
     personal trainer) is just what the doctor ordered,
     along with Prozac.  They're hopping in her new
     red Miata and heading for the Napa Valley to open
     a B&B.  Comes with real tape of "Breaking Up Is
     Hard to Do."

 9) Divorced Barbie. Sells for $199.99.  Comes
     with Ken's house, Ken's car, and Ken's boat.

10) Post Menopausal Barbie. Poor Barbie wets her
     pants when she sneezes, forgets where she puts
     things, and cries a lot.  She is sick and tired
     of Ken sitting on the couch watching the tube,
     clicking through the channels.  Comes with Depends
     and Kleenex.  As a bonus this year, she comes
     with the book, "Getting In Touch with Your Inner
     Self."


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