Interview with Gates Pie-er

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Interview with Gates Pie-er


Let's pie! Let's pie! Nincompoop guys!
by Hugues Henry February 9, 1998

Until last week, Noel Godin was relatively unknown in the United 
States. A 52-year-old Belgian author, film historian, actor ("The 
Sexual Life of the Belgians"), writer ("Cream and Punishment") and 
"entarteur" (a Godin coinage that roughly translates as "encaker" or 
"pie-er"), Godin led the gang that gave to Bill Gates what so many of 
us only dream of: a big wet pie in the face. The attack took place 
at the entrance of Le Concert Noble on Arlon Street in Brussels and 
was widely reported in the press.

Godin doesn't own a computer and didn't even know what a URL is. His
girlfriend, however, uses a PC. (This interview was conducted and
translated by Hugues Henry.)

The Netly News: Who are you, Noel Godin?

Noel Godin: I'm part of a gang of bad hellions that have declared 
the pie war on all the unpleasant celebrities in every kind of 
domain (slogan: "Let's pie! Let's pie! Nincompoop guys!"). We began 
to act against "empty" celebrities from the artistic world who 
were thinking they were the cat's whiskers. Then we attacked the TV 
news business in France, for instance, Patrick Poivre D'Arvor [a 
famous French TV presenter]. Then it became political with Philippe 
Douste-Blazy in Cannes, the French minister of culture, or the other 
French minister Nicolas Sarkozy last year in Brussels.

NN When did you first pie someone?

Godin: In November 1969, with French writer Marguerite Duras, who
represented for us the "empty" novel.

NN Why did you choose Bill Gates?

Godin: Because in a way he is the master of the world, and then 
because he's offering his intelligence, his sharpened imagination and 
his power to the governments and to the world as it is today -- that 
is to say gloomy, unjust and nauseating. He could have been a utopist, 
but he prefers being the lackey of the establishment. His power is 
effective and bigger than that of the leaders of the governments, who 
are only many- colored servants. So Bill Gates was at the top of our 
lists of victims. The attack against him is symbolic, it's against 
hierarchical power itself. Our war cry was explicit: "Let's pie! 
Let's pie the polluting lolly!"

NN So you have a whole list of people you want to pie?

Godin: Yes, we have meetings here in my house. These are funny 
meetings; we have a good time with good drinks and at the same time 
we plot. We always agree on the target choice and then we have to 
study how to reach the target.

NN How did you prepare to pie Bill Gates?

Godin: For several years, there's been a new phenomenon. Traitors 
appear in the entourage of our victims who contact us to give us 
firsthand information. Our victims, at first sight, are very 
unpleasant and they are far from being loved in their own circle; 
this is our trump. For instance, these last years, Patrick Poivre 
D'Arvor, [producer] Daniel Toscan du Plantier and [French minister] 
Nicolas Sarkozy have been betrayed. In the case of Bill Gates, a 
member of the staff of Microsoft Belgium contacted us and gave us a 
mysterious rendezvous. Thanks to him, the operation was a success. 
Of course we won't give his name. It's a secret; only a few know 
his identity. But we want to tell it because we would be very 
amused if there was suspicion in the staff of Microsoft. "Who's the 
traitor?!"

It happened one week before the arrival of Bill Gates in Belgium. 
We received, little by little, very precise information about the 
planning of the Bill. Some Parisian accomplices followed him the day 
before, step by step, notably when he first met Lionel Jospin [French 
prime minister]. For instance, we learned that he was always escorted 
by five armed bodyguards but no more. In Belgium, he had four 
motorcycle policemen and he had five important rendezvous that day. 
So, to succeed, we only had one solution: our number. We were 30 
individuals. That's why we succeeded. We were extremely determined, 
we were in a good mood. We were a funny commando.

We were divided in "gloupinesques" [from his pseudonym, Le Gloupier]
fighting units of three on Arlon Street, where people were waiting 
for him in Le Concert Noble. There was traffic in the street so 
the plotters were anonymous. When Bill Gates arrived with screaming 
sirens, he walked outside his car and as he was climbing the steps 
several of our fighting units gathered and they created a kind of pie 
whirl that fell on him. The bodyguards were completely distraught. 
None of them even took out his gun. They were as dazed as Bill was.

NN Do you know why there's a traitor in the staff of Microsoft 
Belgium? What were his motivations?

Godin: This man told us he really loved Bill Gates in the past, 
saying that he was very cool and passionate. But little by little 
he considered that his power had tainted him, and that he was 
becoming more and more haughty with his own collaborators. So the 
man who gave us the information considered, and he's not alone, 
that it wouldn't be bad to teach Bill a lesson, to bring him back 
to reality. That's how he explained to us why he was doing it. 
He's far from being a member of our band, he's not an anarchist and 
he likes his work with Microsoft, but he thought it had to 
happen. 

NN So you weren't paid by someone from Netscape or Oracle?

Godin: Certainly not; I wasn't even aware of their existence.

NN Weren't you afraid of the armed bodyguards and the police?

Godin: This time, yes, we were afraid. We didn't sleep very well 
the night before. We thought, since the bodyguards of Bill Gates 
are professional, they won't fire. I told my men, "Be happy and 
show it is only cream." To be strong, we drank some good 
Trappist beers. So they were laughing and joking when they went to 
the front... Of course I wasn't in the commando because the 
authorities, the press... they know my face. It would have been 
a mistake, even with a disguise. So I was on an adjacent street.

NN How many pies were thrown?

Godin: Four touched Bill Gates in the face. There were 25 pies in 
all. One of the secrets of the gloupinesque operation is that 
you don't have to throw the pies. You must put the pies point-blank 
in the face of the victim. One of the members of the 
victorious commando is the filmmaker Remy Belvaux ("Man Bites 
Dog"). He unfortunately lost his papers and so the cops revealed 
his identity.

NN What were their feelings just the second after they touched 
Bill Gates with the pie?

Godin: The exhilaration of victory. Exquisite pleasure. 
The gloupinesque operations have a 95 percent success rate. But 
each time we are stressed, and each time it's the same 
pleasure. 

NN How did Bill Gates react?

Godin: He had a kind of promotional smile that became a kind of 
smile made of sand...

NN When you touch your victim, don't you have the feeling of 
being powerful? You had pies, but it could have been a knife.

Godin: Yes, but this is not our problem. We are comical terrorists 
and the pie is symbolic. The victim is only injured in his 
self-esteem. We take a lot of care that the pies can't hurt 
psysically. The pastry is soft and full of cream.

NN Do you cook the pies?

Godin: No, we are very lazy. We buy the pies in a shop nearby the 
place of the crime. This time, the pies where coming from a 
little shop called Au Petit Pain Frais, chaussee de Haecht.

NN Will Bill Gates pursue your commandos?

Godin: No, it would be catastrophic for him and his reputation.

NN If someone gave you money to pie his enemy, would you accept it?

Godin: We have never been pie mercenaries. But we've had several 
offers of a good amount of money. For instance, I had an offer to 
pie Catherine Deneuve in Cannes and also Sharon Stone. I refused. 
I love Catherine Deneuve and the movies of Jacques Demy; and that 
year Sharon Stone was in a western I really liked. So I had 
nothing against her. We are pie pirates. But if we receive money 
when we pie someone, we are not puritan leftists. We received 
money once: in the case of [famous French singer and actor] 
Patrick Bruel. We offered the money to the anarchist Parisian 
magazine Mordicus. So if someone wants to give us money we won't 
isuse it. I could really enjoy life if I could earn much money 
doing this job! It's a big game and we have fun together. We want 
to live fast and to laugh as much as we can. We want to transform 
our lives just like Oscar Wilde wanted to. Everything is awful 
around us, so let's try to have fun. 

NN: If Bill Gates had to come back in a few months in Belgium, 
would pie him again?

Godin: We shall see. But we declare war on all the governments of 
the world, on Tony Blair, on Bill Clinton, on the pope... When 
the pope last came to Belgium, if we'd had a traitor sponsoring 
us, we'd have pied him. We had a strategy. For us, the pope is a 
dangerous serial killer because he is against the preservative 
[birth control]. On our blacklist, you will also find Demi Moore; 
Tom Cruise and John Travolta, who are both members of the 
Scientology; Bill Graham... On the other hand, we have more and 
more sympathizers everywhere. We had thousands of propositions to 
help us, even abroad. We also have many enemies. But we are like 
the characters of a cartoon. We are like Laurel & Hardy, Bugs 
Bunny, the Marx Brothers, the yippies of May 1968.


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