Darwin Award

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Darwin Award


In rural Carbon County, PA, a group of men were drinking beer
and discharging firearms from the rear deck of a home owned
by Irving Michaels, age 27.  The men were firing at a raccoon
that was wandering by, but the beer apparently impaired their
aim and, despite of the estimated 35 shots the group fired, the
animal escaped into a 3 foot diameter drainage pipe some
100 feet away from Mr. Michaels' deck.

Determined to terminate the animal, Mr. Michaels retrieved a
can of gasoline and poured some down the pipe, intending to
smoke the animal out.  After several unsuccessful attempts to
ignite the fuel, Michaels emptied the entire 5 gallon fuel can 
down the pipe and tried to ignite it again, to no avail.

Not one to admit defeat by wildlife, the determined Mr. Michaels
proceeded to slide feet-first approximately 15 feet down the 
sloping pipe to toss the match. The subsequent rapidly expanding 
fireball propelled Mr. Michaels back the way he had come, though 
at a much higher rate of speed.

He exited the angled pipe "like a Polaris missile leaves a 
submarine," according to witness Joseph McFadden, 31.  Mr. 
Michaels was launched directly over his own home, right over the 
heads of his astonished friends, onto his front lawn.  In all, 
he traveled over 200 feet through the air.

"There was a Doppler Effect to his scream as he flew over us,"
McFadden reported, "Followed by a loud thud." Amazingly, he 
suffered only minor injuries. "It was actually pretty cool," 
Michaels said, "Like when they shoot someone out of a cannon at 
the circus.  I'd do it again if I was sure I wouldn't get 
hurt."

There still is no word about the raccoon.


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