Another bad day at the office

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Another bad day at the office


This letter is from a commercial diver for Global Divers out of
Louisiana. I'm sorry but his experience should not be in vain. 
I must share this with the world. Excuse the language and forward 
as you feel appropriate. Anytime you think you have had a bad day 
at the office, remember this letter....True story.

April, 1998
    Hi Sue,
    Just another note from your bottom dwelling brother.
Last week I had a bad day at the office.  BeforeI can tell you what
happened to me, I first must bore you with a few technicalities 
of my job.
    As you know my office lies at the bottom of the sea. I wear a suit 
to the office.  It's a wetsuit. This time of year the water is quite 
cool. So what we do to keep warm is this: We have a diesel powered
industrial water heater.  This $20,000 piece of shit sucks the water 
out of the sea. It heats it to a delightful temp. It then pumps it
down to the diver through a garden hose which is taped to the air hose.
    Now this sounds like a damn good plan, and I've used it several 
times with no complaints. What I do, when I get to the bottom and
start working, is I take the hose and stuff it down the back of my neck.
This floods my whole suit with warm water.  It's like working in a
jacuzzi.
    Everything was going well until all of a sudden, my ass started to 
itch. So, of course, I scratched it.  This only made things worse. 
Within a few seconds my ass started to burn. I pulled the hose out from 
my back,  but the damage was done.
    In agony I realized what had happened to me.  The hot water machine 
had sucked up a jellyfish and pumped it into my suit.  This is even
worse than the poison ivy you once had under a cast.  Now I had that 
hose down my back.  I don't have any hair on my back, so the jellyfish
couldn't get stuck to my back.  My ass crack was not  as fortunate.  When
I scratched what I thought was an itch, I was actually grinding the
jellyfish into my ass.
    I informed the dive supervisor of my dilemma over the comms. His 
instructions were unclear due to the fact that he along with 5 other 
divers were laughing hysterically.  Needless to say I aborted the dive. 
I was instructed to make 3 agonizing water stops totaling 35 minutes
before I could come to the surface. I got to the surface wearing
nothing but my brass helmet.  My suit and gear were tied to the bell.
    When I got on board the medic, with tears of laughter running down 
his face, handed me a tube of cream and told me to shove it up my ass 
when I get in the chamber.
    The cream put the fire out, but I couldn't shit for two days because 
my asshole was swollen shut. I later found out that this could easily 
have been prevented if the suction hose was placed on the leeward side 
of the ship.
    Anyway, the next time you have a bad day at the office, think of me.
hink about how much worse your day would be if you were to shove a 
jellyfish up your ass. I hope you have no bad days at the office.  But 
if you do, I hope that thought will make it a little more tolerable.
    Take care, and I hope to hear from you soon.

           Love,
               Brian


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