Excuses to miss a day of work.

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Excuses to miss a day of work.


A Washington Post contest was held in which readers were asked to 
come up with excuses to miss a day of work.

1.  If it is all the same to you, I won't be coming in to work.  The
    voices told me to clean all the guns today.

2.  When I got up this morning, I took two Ex-Lax in addition to my
    Prozac.  I can't get off the john, but I feel good about it.

3.  I set half the clocks in my house ahead an hour and the other 
    half back an hour Saturday, and spent 18 hours in some kind 
    of space-time continuum loop, reliving Sunday (right up until 
    the explosion).  I was able to exit the loop only by reversing 
    the polarity of the power source exactly e*log(pi) clocks in 
    the house while simultaneously rapping my dog on the snout
    with a rolled up Times. Accordingly, I will be in late, or 
    early.

4.  My stigmata's acting up.

5.  I can't come in to work today because I'll be stalking my 
    previous boss, who fired me for not showing up for work. OK?

6.  I have a rare case of 48-hour projectile leprosy, but I know 
    we have that deadline to meet...

7.  I am stuck in the blood pressure machine down at Wal-Mart.

8.  Yes, I seem to have contracted some attention-deficit disorder 
    and, hey, how about them Hoyas, huh?  So, I won't be able to, 
    yes, could I help you? No, no, I'll be sticking with Sprint, 
    but thank you for calling.

9.  Constipation has made me a walking time bomb.

10. I just found out that I was switched at birth.  Legally, I 
    shouldn't come to work knowing my employee records may now 
    contain false information.

11. The psychiatrist said it was an excellent session. He even gave 
    me this jaw restraint so I won't bite things when I am startled.

12. The dog ate my car keys. We're going to hitchhike to the vet.

13. My mother-in-law has come back as one of the Undead and we must
    track her to her coffin to drive a stake through her heart and 
    give her eternal peace. One day should do it.

14. I am converting my calendar from Julian to Gregorian.

15. I am extremely sensitive to a rise in the interest rates.

16. I can't come to work today because the EPA has determined that 
    my house is completely surrounded by wetlands and I have to 
    arrange for helicopter transportation.

17. I prefer to remain an enigma.


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