Twas the night before crisis,

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Twas the night before crisis,


Twas the night before crisis,
And behind White House doors,
Not a creature was stirring,
Not even Al Gore.

The interns were nestled,
All dressed in their berets,
In hopes that Saint Bubba
Would come out to play.

When on the East Lawn,
There arose such a clatter,
Even Sam Donaldson
Lost control of his bladder.

Away to our TVs
We flew like a flash,
There's a special report,
And it's pre-empting M*A*S*H!

And what to our wondering
Eyes should appear,
But a homely lil' troll,
With tapes for all to hear.

With a K-Mart bought blazer,
And a bad frizzy 'do,
And a tale to be told-
To me, and to you.

On the chair!
On the carpet!
On the Oval Office desk!
With a chubby young intern,
Who was all eyes and breast.

The Pres had been careless,
Indeed, dumb and dumber.
Now the whole world knew
Bubba had gotten a hummer.

And Monica Lewinsky
Emerged from the rubble,
If she'd just kept her mouth shut,
We'd not have all this trouble.

And thus set in motion,
A whole web o' spiders,
With pundits galore,
And "White House insiders.

You ask, "Who would care
About Bill and his penis?"
Republican Ken Starr,
And he's armed with subpoenas!

More rapid than eagles,
Process servers, they flew!
"Here's one for you!
And for you!
oh, and you too!"

"Here Jordan! Here Cockell!
Is there anyone else?!?
Let's subpoena the lawyers!
And Bubba himself!!"

"We want you to tell us
About Bill's private life,
And anyone he sleeps with,
'cept, for his wife."

And many months later,
After long we've all suffered,
Let's examine more closely
Just what Starr's uncovered.

We've learned "Little Bill"
Has a mind of his own,
And - horror of horrors -
He likes to get blown!

A funny fact surfaced,
After 40 million bucks:
Seems most people don't care
Just who Clinton fucks

The economy's great,
And shows no signs of slowing.
Hell, most of us are hoping, Lewinsky
NEVER stops blowing!

Now the public's grown weary.
Will this sleaze never end?
We just want to get back
To "E.R.", and to "Friends."

Hey Monica, Hey Linda --
Hey Ken Starr, you suck -
Get the hell off my TV,
Your 15 minutes are up.


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