Blind date language key

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Blind date language key


Most all bachelors have been the victims of a blind date.

Numerous well meaning friends and relatives are always willing to "fix
up" unsuspecting bachelors with girls whom they describe as "perfect 
for you".

However, from the description given, it is difficult to imagine what
these girls may be like. After considerable research, as a public 
service, I have attempted to translate some of these descriptive 
phrases into plain English:

     dandy little house keeper:
     She has been married three times and kept all the houses

     fine character:
     She's ugly

     knows how to handle money:
     She's a spendthrift and great at spending yours

     spotless reputation:
     She's ugly

     strong family ties:
     She's a Mafia Princess

     loves children:
     She's pregnant and needs a husband

     wonderful personality:
     She's fat

     great sense of humor:
     She's fat and will laugh at anything you say

     the outdoor type:
     She hunts, fishes, chews tobacco, and shaves just like the guys

     ready to settle down:
     She's thirty-five, in a state of panic, and dying to marry

     likes to have a good time:
     She gets drunk a lot

     lots of fun at parties:
     Often makes an fool of herself

     mature woman:
     She's at least thirty, but looks at least forty-five

     has the appearance of a young school girl:
     She's at least thirty-three, but dresses like a teenager

     casual:
     She dresses like a slob

     decorated her own place:
     Her apartment resembles a pig sty

     a great dancer:
     She'll wear the soles right off your shoes

     not overly emotional:
     She only cries twenty-seven times a day

     doesn't chase men:
     She's more of a mousetrap or a black widow spider type

     understands men:
     She's been married and divorced four times

     a good sport:
     She knows two hundred jokes and can drink you under the table

     looks and dresses like a model:
     She's five eleven and weighs seventy three pounds

     been in show business:
     She's a former porn movie star

     traveled a lot:
     She's searched high and low for a husband

     knows a lot of interesting people:
     None of whom would marry her

     wonderful disposition:
     She's ugly


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