THEOLOGICAL ENGINEERING EXAM 1
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THEOLOGICAL ENGINEERING EXAM 1
5 Questions, 60 Minutes.
You may use a calculator, the Bible, the Koran, the Torah,
and the Book of Mormon. The speed of light is c. Show all
work. For all problems, assume a perfectly spherical Jesus
of constant density D. No praying during the exam.
1. (20 pts.) Bob and Joe are standing on a street
corner. God loves each an equal amount L_0. Bob then
accelerates to .9c. In Joe's rest frame, how much does
God now love Bob?
2. Sven, a Catholic, is in a state of grace. He then has
sex with sheep S. a. (8 pts.) What is Sven's atonement
coefficient following the act if the sheep was not
willing? b. (12 pts.) What if the sheep, while not
technically being willing, could not be said to mind
either?
3. (20 pts.) Let the eternal, all abiding love of the Holy
Spirit be the xy plane. Let Sue's soul be at (0,0,5) at t
= 0 sec., traveling at 5 m/s in the direction of the
positive z axis. Everything is in Cartesian coordinates
bespeaking subscription to a perfectly rational
Enlightenment attitude towards the Universe. At what time
t will Sue be saved? (Hint: Assume a point soul.)
4. (20 pts.) Assume the Rapture occurs at time t. Cornelia,
a saved human weighing 90 kg, in a state of grace, has
her head in the closing jaws of an alligator at time
t. What mass of meat will remain to the alligator at time
t + 10 sec.?
5. Stan is a frictionless, massless Mormon in a rest
state. His sin level for his faith is currently 11
McBeals. He eats .3 kg of pork, and enjoys it very
much. Assume that the Jews are right about, well, pretty
much everything. a. (10 pts.) What is Stan's sin level
now? b. (10 pts.) Stan is one of them Salt Lake City
Mormons. He ain't so damn smug now, is he?
Extra Credit (10 pts): 25 grams of wafers and 20 ml of cheap
wine undergo transubstantiation and become the flesh and
blood of our Lord. How many Joules of heat are released
by the transformation?
Hand in exam when done, and may God have mercy on your work.
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Entered on: 06/24/1998
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