Your Starship Captain just might be a redneck if...

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Your Starship Captain just might be a redneck if...


- your shuttlecraft has been up on blocks for over a month

 - he paints flames and a NRA sticker on the warp nacelles

 - you have a shuttle called "Billy Joe Bob"

 - he refers to Klingons as "Critters"

 - he refers to Photon Torpedoes as "Popguns"

 - he has the sensor array repaired with a bent coathanger and aluminum 
   foil

 - he installs a set of bullhorns on the front of the saucer section

 - he says "Got your ears on, good buddy" instead of "open hailing 
   frequencies"

 - he hangs fuzzy dice over the viewscreen

 - he rewires his communicator into his belt buckle

 - he keeps a six-pack under his command chair and a gun rack above it

 - he says "Yee-Ha!" instead of "Engage"

 - he has a hand-tooled holster for his phaser

 - he insists on calling his executive officer "Bubba"

 - he sets the fore viewscreen to reruns of "Bassmaster"

 - he programs the food replicator for beer, ribs, and turnip greens

 - he paints the starship John Deere green

 - he refers to a Pulsar as a "Blue Light Special"

 - he refers to the Mutara Nebula as a "swamp"

 - his moonshine is stronger than Romulan Ale

 - he sings "Lucille" instead of "Kathleen"

 - his idea of dress uniform is CLEAN bib overalls

 - he wears mirrored shades on the Bridge

 - his idea of a "gas giant" is that big ol' XO Bubba after a meal of 
   beans and weenies

 - he sets phaser to "Cajun"


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