The 8 Worst Convenience Foods

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The 8 Worst Convenience Foods


8. Meeter's Kraut Juice (Stokely USA)

     Yes, that's sauerkraut juice, which is even worse than it sounds.
     The taste and smell can be a bit, well, harsh, but KJ is reputed
     by its fans to have certain medicinal benefits (as a source of
     vitamin C, cure for intestinal bugs, etc.), which adds up to a
     classic case of the cure being worse than the disease.

7. Guycan Corned Mutton with Juices Added (Bedessee Imports)

     The best thing about this Uruguayan canned good is the very
     pouty-looking sheep on the package label -- he seems to be saying,
     "Go on, eat me already." The second-best thing is the presence of
     both "cooked mutton" and "mutton" in the ingredients listing,
     which would seem to have all the mutton bases covered.

6. Armour Pork Brains in Milk Gravy (Dial Corp.)

     If you're really looking to clog up those arteries in a hurry,
     you'll be pleased to learn that a single serving of pork brains
     has 1,170 percent of our recommended daily cholesterol intake. All
     the more ingenious, then, that the label on this product helpfully
     features a recipe for brains and scrambled eggs.

5. Sweet Sue Canned Whole Chicken (Sweet Sue Kitchens, Inc.)

     From its size (think growth-impaired Cornish hen) to its overall
     appearance (it's stewed in a quivering mass of aspic goop), this
     product may change forever your idea of what constitutes a
     chicken. Gives new meaning to the old line about meat "falling off
     the bone."

4. Musk Life Savers (Nestle Confectionery)

     You may think musk is a scent, but over in Australia, they think
     it's a candy flavor. A candy flavor that tastes disturbingly like
     raw meat, to be precise. But what did you expect from a country
     where everyone happily consumes Vegemite?

3. Blind Robins Smoked Ocean Herring (recently discontinued by Bar Food
     Products)

     Possibly the world's most bizarre prepackaged tavern snack.
     Interestingly, the product's titular robin isn't actually blind,
     he's blindfolded -- the better, presumably, to avoid looking at
     these heavily salted herring strips, which look like giant slugs.

2. Kylmaenen Reindeer Pate` (Kylmaenen Oy)

     This Finnish canned good may not be particulary tasty, but at
     least it answers the age-old question of why Rudolph was so eager
     for that safe, steady job on Santa's sleigh team -- he didn't want
     to end up a cracker spread.

1. Tengu Clam Jerky (Tengu Co.)

     Nothing you've ever consumed can prepare you for the horror that
     is clam jerky. Still, this product does score a sort of conceptual
     coup: If you're the sort who's always found raw clams too slimy
     and gelatinous for your taste, these dried, shriveled mollusks
     will help you dislike clams on a whole new level.


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