bitter person's horoscope

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bitter person's horoscope


Aquarius    (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)
 You have an inventive mind and are inclined to be progressive.  You
 lie a great deal.  On the other hand you are inclined to be careless
 and impractical, causing you to make the same mistakes repeatedly.
 Everyone thinks you are a jerk.

 Pisces      (Feb. 19-Mar. 20)
 You have a vivid imagination and often think you are being followed by
 the FBI or CIA.  You have minor influence over your friends, and
 people resent you for flaunting your power.  You lack confidence and
 are generally a coward.  Pisces screw small animals and pick their
 noses.

 Aries       (Mar. 21-Apr. 19)
 You are the pioneer type and hold most people in contempt.  You are
 quick tempered, impatient, and scornful of advice.  You are a pain in
 the butt.

 Taurus      (Apr. 20-May 20)
 You are practical and persistent.  You have dogged determination and
 work like hell.  Most people think you are stubborn and bullheaded.
 You are nothing but a goddamn communist.

 Gemini      (May 21-June 20)
 You are quick and intellectual, and are a thinker.  People like you
 because you are a bisexual.  However, you are inclined to expect too
 much for too little.  This means you are a cheap bastard.  Gemini's
 are notorious for thriving on incest.

 Cancer      (June 21-July 22)
 You are sympathetic and understanding to other people's problems.
 They think you are a sucker.  You are always putting things off.  That
 is why you will always be on welfare and won't be worth shit.  You are
 a butthead.

 Leo         (July 23-Aug. 22)
 You consider yourself a born leader.  Others think you are pushy.
 Most Leos are bullies.  You are vain and cannot tolerate honest
 criticism.  Your arrogance is disgusting.  Leo people are thieving
 bastards and kiss mirrors a lot.

 Virgo       (Aug. 23-Sept. 22)
 You are the logical type and hate disorder.  This nit picking is
 sickening to your friends.  You are cold and unemotional and often
 fall asleep while screwing.  Virgos make good bus drivers and pimps.

 Libra       (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)
 You are the artistic type and have a difficult time with reality.  If
 you are a male, you are probably queer.  Most Libra women are whores.
 They are known as the world's greatest liars, although they pretend
 innocence and lack of guilt.  All Libras die of venereal disease.

 Scorpio     (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)
 You are shrewd in business and cannot be trusted.  You shall achieve
 the pinnacle of success because of your total lack of ethics.  You are
 a perfect son-of-a-bitch.  Most Scorpio people are murdered.

 Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)
 You are optimistic and enthusiastic.  You have a reckless tendency to
 rely on luck since you have no talent.  The majority of Sagittarians
 are drunks and pot heads.  People laugh at you a lot because you are
 always getting duped.

 Capricorn   (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)
 You are conservative and afraid of taking risks.  You are basically
 chicken.  There has never been a Capricorn of any importance.  You
 should kill yourself.


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