The Shotgun Constitution

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The Shotgun Constitution


Terminology:

Shotgun - The rightmost front passenger seat in a vehicle, a prime
choice for any passenger, since it is the most comfortable seat, and
also because of the psychological advantage of not being forced to
subserviently look at the back of another person's head during a trip.

Enthronement - The physical presence of a person in the Shotgun
position.
 
By Laws:

Vehicle Ownership
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The owner of a vehicle, if he/she isn't driving, always gets Shotgun
in that vehicle.  It is their car, it is their seat and they get it.
This is a real bonus for an owner who is falling down drunk.  They can
rest assured Shotgun is rightfully theirs.  They won't have to worry
about concentrating through an alcohol-induced haze simply to remember
to call Shotgun in their own hard-earned car. Once proper Shotgun
"enthronement" rights have been established, they may also be
surrendered.  If the owner of the vehicle is eligible for Shotgun, but
wants to sleep it off in the back seat, then they may give up Shotgun
to a person of their choice.  The vehicle owner is also the ultimate
judge in any Shotgun disputes.  Their word is law, and all passengers
must defer to the owner's interpretation of Shotgun law.  Arbitration
should be swift and final, so that everyone can be on their way.  If
the owner is going to stray from the Shotgun Constitution, they must
have a good reason for doing so.  If the owner is not eligible for
Shotgun, any passenger can call Shotgun, but only under the proper
conditions.
 
Legal Conditions for Calling Shotgun
------------------------------------
Shotgun can only be called when the driver is enroute to the vehicle
for the purpose of driving immediately, and the Shotgun position is
vacant.  Shotgun cannot be called upon arrival, only upon departure.
For example, a group of travelers may arrive at a restaurant and get
out of the car for a meal.  Some bone-head might try calling Shotgun
immediately for the subsequent ride home, but that is not appropriate.
If this kind of precedent were allowed, it would let anyone call
Shotgun "futures" for potential rides into eternity.  Only after
finishing the meal, when the driver picks up the car keys, is a
Shotgun call allowed.  Jingling keys is a very strong sign of an
Enroute condition.  If the driver says "lets go" that also can be
reasonably construed as Enroute.  Most Enroute conditions mean that
driving will take place within a few minutes, but not always.  If the
driver of a car turns around on a three hour trail ride, and says
"lets go home," then an enroute condition exists and Shotgun may be
called immediately.
 
Forcible Dethronement (a.k.a. Physical Challenge)
-------------------------------------------------
There are some people in this world that always remember to call
Shotgun.  Although this is an admirable trait at first, it quickly
grows old.  These people tend to be real weenies, and if they knew
better, would sometimes let someone else call shotgun just to be a
little more diplomatic.  The purpose of the Shotgun Constitution is to
provide for a peaceful, fair method of getting to ride Shotgun.
Unfortunately, if an introverted nerd consistently calls Shotgun ad
nauseum, there must be accommodations for that person to be forcibly
removed from the seat.  Thus the Forcible Dethronement policy.  This
allows one other passenger (usually larger in stature) to declare
"Physical Challenge!" and pull, push or otherwise eject the previous
Shotgun participant from the seat.  Although frowned upon if used
regularly, this physical challenge is a legitimate means of wresting
Shotgun control away from the legal party.  Any physical tactics short
of grievous bodily injury are employable.
 
The Dick Clause
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Though not a formal by-law of the Constitution, the Dick Clause is a
necessary refinement in semantics.  Just because the driver's
girlfriend, boyfriend, wife, whoever happens to be in the car, that
Significant Other does not get Shotgun by default.  Anyone else can
legally call Shotgun and force the Significant Other to ride in the
back.  But then of course that would mean that person is a Dick.
 
Post-amble
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I first drafted the Shotgun Constitution in 1990 while attending
Embry-Riddle University in Florida.  The Constitution was widely
distributed via fax, and steered many young passengers towards a more
democratic form of ridership.  It is time to resurrect this living
document, and to let a new generation of passengers rightfully call
SHOTGUN.

If there is any new case law I should be aware of for the Shotgun
Constitution, please e-mail me at: gerkie@aol.com.  I will conduct a
judicial review of your case and see whether it merits an amendment to
the Constitution.


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