Oscar Epic

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Oscar Epic


Person 1: 
I've been on a movie-blitzkrieg lately - trying to see all the 
nominated films in time for the Oscars. I saw Titanic last Sat., Good 
Will Hunting last Sunday, As Good As It Gets last night. Tonight I'll 
probably see LA Confidential. I'm wagering with my boss who the winners 
will be.  I am focused on the BIG things - the important things, anyway.

Person2:
I want to see them all together in a single epic: As Good as Good 
Will Hunting Gets for Mrs. Brown on the Titanic, Confidentially. 

Helen Hunt (whom I now loathe) is an idiot obsessed with teaching math 
to a roup of LA policemen who decide to take a cruise together dressed 
as Queen Victoria. The ship strikes an iceberg and is unharmed, but 
the rest of the passengers -- tortured by the Queen imitators and 
especially Helen Hunt's insistence upon teaching all how to factor 
binomials--steal a bunch of hammers and knock a hole in the side of the 
ship themselves. They die happy.

NB: Leonardo DiCaprio appears in the opening scene, ostensibly as the 
hero, but chokes on a frankfurter and, crying out "I want my mommy, I 
want my mommy NOW", spends the rest of the movie off-camera, locked in 
the infirmary.


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