Simple Jokes

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Simple Jokes


What is the difference between a tick and a lawyer?
A tick falls off you when you die.

Why does the law society prohibit sex between lawyers and their clients?
To prevent clients from being billed twice for essentially the same 
service.

What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should? 
Stick his bill up his rear.

What is black and brown and looks good on a lawyer? 
A Doberman.

Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?
If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched, they 
cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever.

Lawyer's creed: A man is innocent until proven broke.

What's the difference between a female lawyer and a pit bull? 
Lipstick.

What do you call 20 lawyers skydiving from an airplane? 
Skeet.

What do you get when you cross a bad politician with a crooked lawyer?
Chelsea.

If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why should you never swerve to hit him?
It might be your bicycle.

It was so cold last winter ... (How cold was it?)
...it was so cold, I saw a lawyer with his hands in his own pockets.

A man walked into a lawyer's office and inquired about the lawyer's 
rates. "$50.00 for three questions," replied the lawyer. "Isn't that 
awfully steep?" asked the man.
"Yes," the lawyer replied, "and what was your third question?"

You're trapped in a room with a tiger, a rattlesnake and a lawyer. 
You have a gun with two bullets. What should you do?
Shoot the lawyer. Twice.


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