The Assignment

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The Assignment


English 144 
Creative Writing 
Prof. Miller                       
In-class Assignment for Wednesday     
Today we will experiment with a new form called the tandem story. The 
process is simple.  Each person will pair off with the person sitting 
to his or her immediate right.  One of you will then write the first 
paragraph of a short story.  The partner will read the first paragraph 
and then add another paragraph to the story.  The first person will 
then add a third paragraph, and so on back and forth.  Remember to 
reread what has been written each time in order to keep the story 
coherent. The story is over when both agree a conclusion has been 
reached.
  
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     At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted.  
The camomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home, 
now reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times, that 
he liked camomile. But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her 
mind off Carl.  His possessiveness was suffocating, and if she thought 
about him too much her asthma started acting up again.  So camomile was 
out of the question.
     Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack 
squadron now in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to think 
about than the neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named Laurie 
with whom he had spent one sweaty night over a year ago.  "A.S. Harris 
to Geostation 17," he said into his transgalactic communicator. "Polar 
orbit established.  No sign of resistance so far..." But before he could 
sign off a bluish particle beam flashed out of nowhere and blasted a 
hole through his ship's cargo bay.  The jolt from the direct hit sent 
him flying out of his seat and across the cockpit.
     He bumped his head and died almost immediately, but not before he 
felt one last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the one woman 
who had ever had feelings for him.  Soon afterwards, Earth stopped 
its pointless hostilities towards the peaceful farmers of Skylon 4. 
"Congress Passes Law Permanently Abolishing War and Space Travel." 
Laurie read in hernewspaper one morning.  The news simultaneously 
excited her and bored her. She stared out the window, dreaming of her 
youth -- when the days had passed unhurriedly and carefree, with no 
newspapers to read, no television to distract her from her sense of 
innocent wonder at all the beautiful things around her.  "Why must one 
lose one's innocence to become a woman?" she pondered wistfully.
     Little did she know, but she has less than 10 seconds to live. 
Thousands of miles above the city, the Anu'udrian mothership launched 
the first of its lithium fusion missiles.  The dim-witted wimpy 
peaceniks who pushed the Unilateral Aerospace Disarmament Treaty 
through Congress had left Earth a defenseless target for the hostile 
alien empires who were determined to destroy the human race.  Within 
two hours after the passage of the treaty the Anu'udrian ships were 
on course for Earth, carrying enough firepower to pulverize the 
entire planet.  With no one to stop them they swiftly initiated 
their diabolical plan.  The lithium fusion missile entered the 
atmosphere unimpeded.  The President, in his top-secret mobile 
submarine headquarters on the ocean floor off the coast of Guam, felt 
the inconceivably massive explosion which vaporized Laurie and 85 
million other Americans. The President slammed his fist on the 
conference table. "We can't allow this!  I'm going to veto that 
treaty!  Let's blow'em out of the sky!"
    This is absurd.  I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. 
My writing partner is a violent, chauvinistic, semi-literate 
adolescent.     
     Yeah?  Well, you're a self-centered tedious neurotic whose 
attempts at writing are the literary equivalent of Valium.
     You total $*&.
     Stupid %&#$!


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