Star Trek with Dilbert Management

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Star Trek with Dilbert Management


After the crew is told they are now Empowered, Dr. Crusher begins 
doing medical experiments on unsuspecting enlisted personnel while 
Worf slaughters everyone he considers "weak".

 Data fails an ISO9000 audit because the construction of his 
positronic brain isn't properly documented. He curses Dr. Suhn's 
record keeping as he's stripped for parts.

 All members of the ship's maintenance crew are required to be involved 
in Quality Circles. The loss of productive work time causes them to 
cut back on scheduled repairs, resulting in a warp core breach that 
kills everyone.

 Commander Riker is fired after a round of "right sizing". Star 
Fleet decided that it didn't really need someone to seduce alien 
females and smirk a lot.

 As part of the new Dignity Enhancement program, Piccard is forced to 
allow Troi to wear uniforms that cover her breasts.

 Star Fleet decides to adopt the Borg "Team Building" methods and 
requires all newborn babies to be implanted with computer 
interface devices. As a bonus this cuts down on carpal tunnel 
disability claims.

 The Enterprise finds that it can no longer communicate with Star 
Fleet Command because they're still running an old version of Windows 
and can't get budget approval for the upgrade.

 As part of a cycle time reduction plan, the crew is ordered to cut 
the time necessary to encounter and escape from new life forms from 
once a week to 5 days a week. A re-use program is introduced under 
the nickname RERUNS (Reap Earnings and Royalties Using 
No-longer-produced Shows).

 Piccard is ordered to go to diversity sensitivity training after 
system logs indicate that he has repeatedly disparaged the Ferengis, 
the Q and the Romulans.


 A ship-wide reorganization results in Worf becoming the ship's 
counsellor, Dr. Crusher taking over the engine room, Deanna 
managing weapons, Data running sick bay and Geordi at the helm. They 
were conquered by a Klingon freighter 5 minutes later.

 The crew mutinies when they are given their annual performance reviews 
and find that, despite saving the universe numerous times, they're 
still only getting 3% raises.


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