Darwin Awards

----- Begin NetScrap(TM) -----

Darwin Awards


These are nearly always granted posthumously. This
citation is bestowed upon (the remains of) that individual, who through
single-minded self-sacrifice, has done the most to remove undesirable
elements from the human gene pool. 

------------------------------------------------------- 

[San Jose Mercury News]> An unidentified man, using a shotgun like a
club to break a former girlfriend's windshield, accidentally shot
himself to death when the gun discharged, blowing a hole in his gut. 

------------------------------------------------------- 

[Hickory Daily Record, 12-21-92] Ken Charles Barger, 47, accidentally
shot himself to death in December in Newton, N. C., when, awakening to
the sound of a ringing telephone beside his bed, he reached for the
phone but grabbed instead a Smith & Wesson .38 Special, which discharged
when he drew it to his ear. 

------------------------------------------------------- 

[News of the Weird, 18 May 93, San Jose Mercury News] A 24-year-old
salesman from Hialeah, Fla., was killed near Lantana, Fla., in March
when his car smashed into a pole in the median strip of Interstate 95 in
the middle of the afternoon. Police said that the man was traveling at
80 MPH and, judging by the sales manual that was found open and clutched
to his chest, had been busy reading. 

------------------------------------------------------- 

[Unknown, 25 March 1993] A Vapid Death A terrible diet and room with no
ventilation are being blamed for the death of a man who was killed by
his own gas. There was no mark on his body but autopsy showed large
amounts of methane gas in his system. His diet had consisted primarily
of beans and cabbage (and a couple other things). It was just the right
combination of foods. It appears that the man died in his sleep from
breathing from the poisonous cloud that was hanging over his bed. Had he
been outside or had his windows opened it wouldn't have been fatal but
the man was shut up in is near airtight bedroom. He was "...a big man
with a huge capacity for creating [this deadly gas]." Three of the
rescue workers got sick and one was hospitalized. 

------------------------------------------------------- 

[Reuters, Mississauga, Ontario] Man slips, falls 23 stories to his
death. A man cleaning a bird feeder on his balcony of his condominium
apartment in this Toronto suburb slipped and fell 23 stories to his
death, police said Monday. Stefan Macko, 55, was standing on a wheeled
chair Sunday when the accident occurred, said Inspector D'Arcy Honer of
the Peel regional police. "It appears the chair moved and he went over
the balcony," Honer said. "It's one of those freak accidents. No foul
play is suspected." 

------------------------------------------------------- 

[UPI, Toronto] Police said a lawyer demonstrating the safety of windows
in a downtown Toronto skyscraper crashed through a pane with his
shoulder and plunged 24 floors to his death. A police spokesman said
Garry Hoy,9, fell into the courtyard of the Toronto Dominion Bank Tower
early Friday evening as he was explaining the strength of the building's
windows to visiting law students. Hoy previously had conducted
demonstrations of window strength according to police reports. Peter
Lauwers, managing partner of the firm Holden Day Wilson, told the
Toronto Sun newspaper that Hoy was "one of the best and brightest"
members of the 200-man association. 

------------------------------------------------------- 

[AP, Cairo, Egypt,1 Aug 1995] Six people drowned Monday while trying to
rescue a chicken that had fallen into a well in southern Egypt. An
18-year-old farmer was the first to descend into the 60-foot well. He
drowned, apparently after an undercurrent in the water pulled him down,
police said. His sister and two brothers, none of whom could swim well,
went in one by one to help him, but also drowned. Two elderly farmers
then came to help, but they apparently were pulled down by the same
undercurrent. The bodies of the six were later pulled out of the well in
the village of Nazlat Imara, 240 miles south of Cairo. The chicken was
also pulled out. It survived. 

-------------------------------------------------------- 

[Times of London] A thief who sneaked into a hospital was scarred for
life when he tried to get a suntan. After evading security staff at
Odstock Hospital in Salisbury, Wiltshire, and helping himself to
doctors' paging devices, the thief spotted a vertical sunbed. He walked
into the unit and removed his clothes for a 45-minute tan. However, the
high-voltage UV machine at the hospital, which is renowned for its
treatment of burns victims, has a maximum dosage of ten seconds. After
lying on the bed for almost00 times the recommended maximum time the man
was covered in blisters. 

Hours later, when the pain of the burns became unbearable, he went to
Southampton General Hospital, 20 miles away,in Hampshire. Staff became
suspicious because he was wearing a doctor's coat. After tending his
wounds they called the police. Southampton police said: "This man broke
into Odstock and decided he fancied a quick suntan. Doctors say he is
going to be scarred for life." 

------------------------------------------------------- 

More intelligence-challenged people.... 

45 year-old Amy Brasher was arrested in San Antonio, Texas, after a
mechanic reported to police that 18 packages of marijuana were packed in
the engine compartment of the car which she had brought to the mechanic
for an oil change. According to police, Brasher later said that she
didn't realize that the mechanic would have to raise the hood to change
the oil. 

Portsmouth, R.I. - Police charged Gregory Rosa, 25, with a string of
vending machine robberies in January when he (1) fled from police
inexplicably when they spotted him loitering around a vending machine
and (2) later tried to post his $400 bail in coins. 

Karen Lee Joachimmi, 20, was arrested in Lake City, Florida for robbery
of a Howard Johnson's motel. She was armed with only an electric chain
saw, which was not plugged in. 

The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger
King in Ypsilanti, Michigan at 7:50am, flashed a gun and demanded cash.
The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash
register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the
clerk said they weren't available for breakfast. The man, frustrated,
walked away. 

David Posman,3, was arrested recently in Providence, R.I., after
allegedly knocking out an armored car driver and stealing the closest
four bags of money. It turned out they contained $800 in PENNIES,
weighed0 pounds each, and slowed him to a stagger during his getaway so
that police officers easily jumped him from behind. 

The Belgium news agency Belga reported in November that a man suspected
of robbing a jewelry store in Liege said he couldn't have done it
because he was busy breaking into a school at the same time. Police then
arrested him for breaking into the school. 

Drug-possession defendant Christopher Johns, on trial in March in
Pontiac, Michigan, said he had been searched without a warrant. The
prosecutor said the officer didn't need a warrant because a "bulge" in
Christopher's jacket could have been a gun. Nonsense, said Christopher,
who happened to be wearing the same jacket that day in court. He handed
it over so the judge could see it. The judge discovered a packet of
cocaine in the pocket and laughed so hard he required a five-minute
recess to compose himself. 

Atlanta Braves pitcher John Smoltz gave himself five-inch-long welts in
March when he tried to iron his polo shirt while wearing it. "I've
ironed that way five or six times," he said, "and never had it happen." 

Dave so-and-so of Anniston, Alabama, was injured recently after he
attempted to replace a tubelike fuse in his Chevy pickup with a
22-caliber rifle bullet (used because it was a perfect fit). However,
when electricity heated the bullet, it went off and shot him in the
knee.


----- End NetScrap(TM) -----