The Worst Analogies

----- Begin NetScrap(TM) -----

The Worst Analogies


He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy 
who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of 
those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country 
speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar 
eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it. 
(Joseph Romm, Washington)

She caught your eye like one of those pointy hook latches that 
used to dangle from screen doors and would fly up whenever you banged 
the door open again.
(Rich Murphy, Fairfax Station)

The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a 
bowling ball wouldn't. 
(Russell Beland, Springfield)

McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty Bag filled 
with vegetable soup. 
(Paul Sabourin, Silver Spring)

From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, 
surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and 
"Jeopardy" comes on at 7 p.m. instead of 7:30. 
(Roy Ashley, Washington)

Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze. 
(Chuck Smith, Woodbridge)

Her eyes were like two brown circles with big black dots in the center.
(Russell Beland, Springfield)

Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.  
(Unknown)

He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree. 
(Jack Bross, Chevy Chase)

The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you 
fry them in hot grease. 
(Gary F. Hevel, Silver Spring)

Her date was pleasant enough, but she knew that if her life was a 
movie this guy would be buried in the credits as something like 
"Second Tall Man."
(Russell Beland, Springfield)

Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across 
the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having 
left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka 
at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph. 
(Jennifer Hart, Arlington)

The politician was gone but unnoticed, like the period after the Dr. 
on a Dr Pepper can. 
(Wayne Goode, Madison, Ala.)

They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences 
that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth. 
(Paul Kocak, Syracuse, N.Y.)

John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had 
also never met. 
(Russell Beland, Springfield)

The thunder was ominous-sounding, much like the sound of a thin sheet 
of metal being shaken backstage during the storm scene in a play. 
(Barbara Fetherolf, Alexandria)

His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances 
like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free. 
(Chuck Smith, Woodbridge)


----- End NetScrap(TM) -----