The Five Yorkshiremen: The Next Generation

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The Five Yorkshiremen: The Next Generation


Y1:  Who would've thought that we'd be on a ship that could separate
     in times of battle and keep most of the crew safe?   I remember
     when the whole ship used to go to yellow alert every time we
     entered an ion storm.

Y2:  You were lucky.  We had to go to double yellow alert whenever
     the captain fell into an obelisk, came out thinking he was a
     god, and married an Indian woman.

Y3:  You were lucky.  We had to go to yellowish-red alert every time
     a woman came on board and stole the first officer's brain.

Y4:  You were lucky to have a woman on board.  We had to go to red alert
     when we were attacked by a mutant salt creature disguised as a woman.

Y5:  Luxury!  We had to go to double red alert every time the captain
     found an overloading phaser in his quarters.

Y1.  Oh, we used to dream of having an overloading phaser in the captain's
     quarters.  We had to go to triple red alert every time the blood-
     sucking gas cloud got into the ship through impulse vent number two.

Y2:  You were lucky.  We had to go to quadruple red alert, blow up our own
     ship, steal a Klingon bird of prey (which doesn't even have a red
     alert), go to Vulcan to revive the dead captain, go back in time
     and get two whales, come back and crash land in San Francisco Bay,
     all on a Klingon triple black alert.

Y3:  We could only hope for something like that.  We had to go to 
     quintuple red alert, infiltrate Paradise city, fight a 
     triple-breasted cat-whore,  get captured, crash a shuttle into the 
     shuttle bay, get brain washed, penetrate the great barrier in the 
     center of the galaxy, find ShaKaRe, and fight an evil deity from 
     aboard a Klingon ship every time Spock's brother showed up.

Y4:  Ha!  Sounds like shore leave!  We had to go to hextuple red alert
     after we invited Klingons to dinner and then were accused of firing
     photon torpedos at their ship, surrender to the Klingons, stand trial
     in a Klingon court, go to a Klingon penal colony, kick an alien
     in the nuts, kiss an alien woman, escape the magnetic shield, 
     beam back to the ship, ignore Federation orders, go to septuple red 
     alert (on two ships), fight a vessel that could fire while cloaked, 
     barge into a Federation peace conference, kill an assasin, and 
     arrest half of the Federation officers every time the power station 
     on a Klingon moon exploded!

Y3:  And if you'd try to tell that to these young officers today, they
     wouldn't believe you.

Others:  Nope. No they wouldn't.


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