Europeans

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Europeans


Having chosen English as the preferred language in the EEC,
the European Parliament has commissioned a feasibility study in ways of
improving efficiency in communications between Government departments.

European officials have often pointed out the English spelling
is unnecessarily difficult; for example: cough, plough, rough, through
and thorough.  What is clearly needed is a phased programme of changes to
iron out these anomolies.  The programme would, of course, be administered
by a committee staff at top level by participating nations.

In the first year, for example, the committee would suggest
using "s" instead of the soft "c." Sertainly, sivil servants in all sities
would resieve this news with joy. Then the hard "c" could be replaced by
"k" sinse both letters are pronounsed alike.  Not only would this klear
up konfusion in the minds of klerikal workers, but typewriters kould
be made with one less letter.

There would be growing enthusiasm when in the sekond year, it
would be announsed that the troublesome "ph" would henseforth be
written "f." This would make words like "fotograf" twenty persent shorter
in print.

In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan
be expekted to reash the stage where more komplikated shanges are
possible.Governments would enkourage the removal of double leters whish
have always been a deterent to akurate speling.

We would al agre that the horible mes of silent "e"s in the
languag is disgrasful.  Therefor we kould drop them and kontinu to
read and writ as though nothing had hapend. By this tim it would be four
years sins the skem began and peopl would be reseptive to steps sutsh
as replasing "th" by "z."  Perhaps zen ze funktion of "w" kould be taken
on by "v," vitsh is, after al, half a "w."  Shortly after zis, ze
unesesary "o" kould be dropd from vords kontaining "ou."  Similar arguments
vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters. Kontinuing zis proses
yer after yer, ve vud eventuli hav a reli sensibl riten styl.  After
tventi yers zer vud be no mor trubls, difikultis and evrivun vud find it
ezi tu understand ech ozer.  Ze drems of ze Guvermnt vud finali have kum
tru.


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