At the Gates of heaven

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At the Gates of heaven


Make sure you read this one in a quiet place, O.K.?  I nearly made a 
fool of myself in my work area.  Actually, this one is a great one 
to tell. It's easy to string out and make dramatic.  I've already 
been a hit at a couple of gatherings telling this!

Three men were standing in line to get into heaven one day. Apparently 
it had been a pretty busy day, though, so Peter had to tell the first 
one, "Heaven's getting pretty close to full today, and I've been asked 
to admit only people who have had particularly horrible deaths. So 
what's your story?"
 
So the first man replies: "Well, for a while I've suspected my wife 
has been cheating on me, so today I came home early to try to catch 
her red-handed. As I came into my 25th floor apartment, I could tell 
something was wrong, but all my searching around didn't reveal where 
this other guy could have been hiding. Finally, I went out to the 
balcony, and sure enough, there was this man hanging off the railing, 
25 floors above ground!
 
By now I was really mad, so I started beating on him and kicking him, 
but wouldn't you know it, he wouldn't fall off. So finally I went 
back into my apartment and got a hammer and started hammering on 
his fingers. Of course, he couldn't stand that for long, so he let 
go and fell -- but even after 25 stories, he fell into the bushes, 
stunned but okay.  I couldn't stand it anymore, so I ran into the 
kitchen, grabbed the fridge and threw it over the edge where it landed 
on him, killing him instantly. But all the stress and anger got to me, 
and I had a heart attack and died there on the balcony."

"That sounds like a pretty bad day to me," said Peter, and let the man in.

The second man comes up and Peter explains to him about heaven being
full, and again asks for his story.
 
"It's been a very strange day. You see, I live on the 26th floor of 
my apartment building, and every morning I do my exercises out on my
balcony.
 
Well, this morning I must have slipped or something, because I fell 
over the edge.  But I got lucky, and caught the railing of the balcony 
on the floor below me.  I knew I couldn't hang on for very long, when 
suddenly this man burst out onto the balcony.  I thought for sure I 
was saved, when he started beating on me and kicking me.  I held on 
the best I could until he ran into the apartment and grabbed a hammer 
and started pounding on my hands.  Finally I just let go, but again I 
got lucky and fell into the bushes below, stunned but all right. Just 
when I was thinking I was going to be okay, this refrigerator comes 
falling out of the sky and crushes me instantly, and now I'm here."
 
Once again, Peter had to concede that that sounded like a pretty 
horrible death.

The third man came to the front of the line, and again the whole 
process was repeated. Peter explained that heaven was full and asked 
for his story.
  
"Picture this," says the third man, "I'm hiding naked inside a 
refrigerator..."


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