You know you're an 80's kid if....

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You know you're an 80's kid if....


you have deep, personal relationships via computers with people
you've never met in real life before

you know, by heart, the words to any "Weird" Al  Yankovic song

not that you'd do it personally, but body piercing captivates your
attention

you remember the days when cocaine was just fine in powder
form, thankyouverymuch

you think the "the Gay 90's" refers to this decade, and people's
sexual orientation

the Brady Bunch movie brought back cool memories

you remember the first time "Space: Above and Beyond" aired -
it was called "Battlestar Galactica"

songs by Debbie Gibson still haunt you to this day

three words: "Atari"  "IntelliVision" and "Coleco".  Sound familiar?

you remember the days that hooking your computer into your
television wasn't an expensive option that required gadgets - it
was the ONLY WAY to use your computer!

you remember the days when "safe sex" meant "my parents are
gone for the weekend"

you remember "Friday Night Videos" before the days of MTV

you ever owned a pair of "Pop-Wheels" - that handy little
combination of shoe and roller skate that lasted about a year
on the open market

a predominant color in your childhood photos is  "plaid"

you're pissed that you couldn't really participate in the 60's,
pissed that you were a part of the 70's, think you wasted too much time
doing stupid, meaningless things in the 80's, and still have no clue
what the 90's are all about

you see teenagers today wearing clothes that show up in those
childhood photos, and they still look bad

while in high school, you and all your friends discussed elaborate
plans to get together again at the end of the century and play
"1999" by Prince over and over again

you remember when music that was labeled "alternative" really
was one of the top five questions you've always wanted answered was
to Robert Smith of the Cure - "What  WAS that head on the door
thing anyway?"

you were shocked and horrified at the Challenger explosion (which
you were probably watching in school at the time), and yet, when
someone mentions the name "JFK", the first thing you think of is
"Oliver Stone"

you, yes you, sat down and memorized the entire lyric sheet to
"It's the end of the world as we know it"

you took family trips BEFORE the invention of the mini-van.  You
rode in the back of the station wagon and you faced the cars
behind you.

you knew all the words to Billy Joel's "We Didn't Start the Fire",
but it really didn't hold any meaning for you until about the third
verse

you've ever conversationally used the phrase  "Jane, you ignorant
slut"

you watched HR Puffenstuff as a child, but now that you're older,
you really understand that it would have been much better had you
known about drugs at the time

you've recently horrified yourself by using any one of the following
phases
    - "When I was younger"
    - "When I was your age"
    - "You know, back when..."
    - "Because I SAID so, that's why"
    - "What the HELL is this noise on the radio?"
    - "Just can't (fill in the blank) like I used to"

you can't remember a time when "going out for coffee" DIDN'T
involve 49,000 selections to choose from

Schoolhouse Rock played a HUGE part in how you actually
learned the English language

Kids that work in restaurants and supermarkets are starting to piss
you off by calling you "sir" or "ma'am"

you're starting to view getting carded to buy alcohol as a GOOD
thing, and you're ready to marry the next person who cards you
when you want to buy cigarettes.

flashback: it was your first chance to vote in a presidential
election, and you were SO disappointed because, just for laughs,
you really wanted to vote for Gary Hart

you ever dressed to emulate a person you saw in either a Duran
Duran, Madonna, or Cyndi Lauper video

at one point during your teenage years, you walked  with a
noticeable tilt to one side due to the number of plastic rings on
that arm

"Celebration" by Kool & the Gang was one of the hot new songs
when you first heard it at a school dance

the first time you ever kissed someone at a dance fell during
"Crazy for You" by Madonna

there were at least three people in your school that voluntarily
went by the names of "Skip"  "Buffy" "Muffy" or "Dexter"

you ever owned one of those embarrassing crimping irons

you used to hold in your head the thought that all those gold
chains on Mr. T actually looked kinda cool and the thought that
Mr. T made millions seemed rational to you at the time

you remember with pain the sad day when the Green Machine hit
the streets and made your old big wheel quite obsolete

the phrase "Where's the beef?" still doubles you over with laughter

you read the "Hot Video Games Player's Secrets" guide for Mortal
Kombat just so you could find the hidden screen, and play Pong
again for old time's sake

honestly remember when film critics raved that no movie could ever
possibly get better special effects than those in the movie TRON.

you ever had nightmares about the giant red evil robot Maximillian
from the Disney movie "The Black Hole" and those blender
attachments he had for hands

you were convinced for years that Batman was a mildly overweight
man with a moderate beer belly who wore his underwear outside of
his clothes and talked strangely

(guys) your first wet dream occurred to thoughts of Jeannie,
Marsha Brady, Samantha from Bewitched or, for those hardcore
comic fans out there, Daphne from Scooby Doo, Josie or any one
of her  Pussycats

(girls) you thought Sean Cassidy was "dreamy",  lusted after "Ted,
your ship's photographer" on the Love Boat and Chachi, or, to
keep it fair to the comically interested, thought Fred was just a
hunk on Scooby Doo

you're still occasionally suffering flashbacks from your 21st
birthday party

you're starting to dread you're0th  birthday, and have even begun
going into denial about it's possibility

you've ever said "I'm a vegetarian" and immediately had someone
call you a hypocrite by saying "Nice leather jacket you have
there ... and gee, is that a suede  bag...those shoes leather, too?"

you're starting to believe that maybe0 isn't so old after all, and
it's those people over 40 you have to look out for

you freaked out when you found that you now fall into the "26 - 50"
age category on most questionnaires

you have begun to lust after women (or men) that it would be
socially inappropriate for you to date due to their age

your hair, at some point in time in the 80's, became something
which can only be described by the phrase "I was experimenting"

this timeline appropriately describes actual events in your life:
 - Star Wars opens, you are still in single digit ages, and you think
 the creatures are WAY cool.
 - Empire Strikes Back opens, you are now in early double digit
 ages, and you are convinced that the special effects are much
 better, the characters are cool, and you want one of every
 collectible out there.
 - Return of the Jedi hits the theaters...you are now  a teenager,
 and you cannot get your eyes off Princess Leia's breasts or Han
 Solo's butt.  You fantasize forever and ever about it, and send off
 to join every fan club for them on the planet, hanging posters,
 photos, and "teen"-type magazine spreads all over your walls and
 lockers at school.

you remember when the phrase "candy is dandy, but sex won't rot
your teeth" started getting followed by "yeah, but M&M's won't give
you AIDS..."

you've ever shopped at a Banana Republic or Benetton, but not in
the last five years, okay?

you're starting to believe (now that it wouldn't affect YOU) that
maybe having the kids go to school year-round wouldn't be such a
bad idea after all

you're doing absolutely nothing with anything pertaining to your
major degree

you won't walk into the place where you once knew every
bartender on a first name basis because  "there's too many kids
there"

going to keg parties no longer involves hiding out in the woods
when the cops show up

you're starting to get that "why aren't you married yet" shpiel, not
just from parents, but now from friends that are married

you're finding that you just don't understand more than half the
lingo used on MTV any more

(mostly guys on this one) sex is still as much fun as it used to be,
and you're still really interested in it, but you just want to make
sure there's nothing really good on cable that you'd be missing first

you ever wanted to be gagged with a spoon

U2 is too "popular" and "mainstream" for you now

you ever used the phrase "kiss mah grits" in conversation

When somone mentions two consecutive days of  the week, the
Happy Days theme is stuck in your  head for hours on end

you remember trying to guess the episode of the Brady Bunch
from the first scene.

you spent endless nights dreaming about being the Bionic Woman
or Wonder Woman or the Six Million Dollar Man

you had ringside seats for Luke and Laura's wedding (on General
Hospital)

you remember "Hey, let's be careful out there"

you're parents wanted you to attend medical school, but you
decided it was pointless since Quincy got all the babes, anyway.

you know who shot J.R.

this rings a bell: "and my name, is Charlie.  They work for me."


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