Funny Letters to Dear Abby...

----- Begin NetScrap(TM) -----

Funny Letters to Dear Abby...


DEAR ABBY: A couple of women moved in across the hall from me. One is 
a middle-aged gym teacher and the other is a social worker in her
mid-twenties.  These two women go everywhere together and I've never 
seen a man go into  their apartment or come out. Do you think they 
could be Lebanese?

CURIOUS

 ---------------------------

DEAR ABBY: I've been married for six years and have five kids. No twins.
My husband still wants to have sex every night and sometimes in the 
morning too. I told him he should get himself a hobby, and he says that 
is his hobby.

 ---------------------------

.....I have a man I never could trust. Why, he cheats so much I'm not 
even sure this baby I'm carrying is his.

 ---------------------------

.....I am a twenty-three-year-old liberated woman who has been on the 
pill for two years. It's getting expensive and I think my boyfriend 
should share half the cost, but I don't know him well enough to discuss 
money with him.

 ---------------------------

.....I suspected that my husband had been fooling around, and when I
confronted him with the evidence he denied everything and said it would
never happen again.

 ---------------------------

.....Will you please rush me the name of a reliable illegitimate doctor?

 ---------------------------

.....Our son writes that he is taking Judo. Why would a boy who was 
raised in a good Christian home turn against his own?

 ---------------------------

.....I joined the Navy to see the world. I've seen it. Now how do I get 
out?

 ---------------------------

.....My forty-year-old son has been paying a psychiatrist $50 an hour 
every week for two-and-a-half years. He must be crazy.

 ---------------------------

.....I was married to Bill for three months and I didn't know he drank
until one night he came home sober.

 ---------------------------

.....Do you think it would be all right if I gave my doctor a little 
gift? I tried for years to get pregnant and couldn't and he finally did 
it.

 ---------------------------

My mother is mean and short-tempered. I think she is going through her
mental pause.

 ---------------------------

I met this nice guy who was in the service. He's the chief petting
officer.

 ---------------------------

..... Then you told some woman whose husband had lost all interest in sex
to send him to a doctor. Well, my husband lost all interest in sex years
ago and he is a doctor.

 ---------------------------

.....This is the second marriage for both of us. And when my husband said
"I Will" he knew damn well he couldn't.

 ---------------------------

DEAR ABBY: I've been going steady with this man for six years. We see
each other every night. He says he loves me, and I know I love him, but 
he never mentions marriage. Do you think he's going out with me just for 
what he can get?

GERTIE

DEAR GERTIE: I don't know. What's he getting?

 ---------------------------

DEAR ABBY: My husband hates to spend money! I cut my own hair and
make my own clothes, and I have to account for every nickel I spend.
Meanwhile he has a stock of savings bonds put away that would choke a
cow. How do I get some money out of him before we are both called to our
final judgment? He says he's saving for a rainy day.

FORTY YEARS HITCHED

DEAR HITCHED: Tell him it's raining!

 ---------------------------

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend is going to be twenty years old next month. I'd
like to give him something nice for his birthday. What do you think he'd
like?

CAROL

DEAR CAROL: Never mind what he'd like. Give him a tie.

 ---------------------------

DEAR ABBY: Are birth control pills deductible?

KAY

DEAR KAY: Only if they don't work.

 ---------------------------


DEAR ABBY: Our son was married in January. Five months later his wife 
had a ten-pound baby girl. They said the baby was premature. Tell me, 
can a baby this big be that early?

WONDERING

DEAR WONDERING: The baby was on time, the wedding was late. Forget it.

 ---------------------------

DEAR ABBY: Do you think about dying much?

CURIOUS

DEAR CURIOUS: No, it's the last thing I want to do.

 ---------------------------

DEAR ABBY: Is it possible for a man to be in love with two women at the
same time?

JAKE

DEAR JAKE: Yes, and also hazardous.

 ---------------------------

DEAR ABBY: I know boys will be boys, but my 'boy' is seventy-three and
he's still chasing women. Any suggestions?


ANNIE

DEAR ANNIE: Don't worry. My dog has been chasing cars for years, but if
he ever caught one, he wouldn't know what to do with it.

 ---------------------------

DEAR ABBY: I have always wanted to have my family history traced, but I
can't afford to spend a lot of money to do it. Any suggestions?

SAM IN CAL.

DEAR SAM: Yes. Run for public office.


 ---------------------------

DEAR ABBY: What inspires you most to write?

TED

DEAR TED: The Bureau of Internal Revenue.

 ---------------------------

DEAR ABBY: When you are being introduced, is it all right to say, "I've
heard a lot about you"?

RITA

DEAR RITA: It depends on what you've heard.

 ---------------------------

DEAR ABBY: I am forty-four years old and I would like to meet a man my
age with no bad habits.

ROSE

DEAR ROSE: So would I.

 ---------------------------

DEAR ABBY: What's the difference between a wife and a mistress?

BESS

DEAR BESS: Night and day.


----- End NetScrap(TM) -----