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Entered on: 03/25/1998
Sign in a gas station: Coke -- 49 cents. Two for a dollar.
I was signing the receipt for my credit card purchase when the
clerk noticed that i had never signed my name on the back of the
credit card. She informed me that she could not complete the
transaction unless the card was signed. When I asked why, she
explained that it was necessary to compare the signature on the
credit card with the signature I just signed on the receipt. So I
signed the credit card in front of her. She carefully compared that
signature to the one I signed on the receipt. As luck would have
it, they matched.
At a grocery store in San Jose, they have new credit card/bank
card readers at the checkout stands. If you don't know how to orient
your card to swipe it through the reader, the checkout person will
"Strip down, face toward me."
Editor's note: Am I wrong, or is this just asking for trouble?
Idiots and geography:
After interviewing a particularly short-spoken job candidate, I
described the person to my boss as rather monosyllabic. My boss
said, "Really? Where is Monosyllabia?" thinking that he was just
kidding, I played along and said that it was just south of Elbonia.
He replied,"Oh, you mean over by Croatia?"
Advice for idiots:
An actual tip from page 16 of the hp Environmental, Health &
Safety Handbook for Employees: "Blink your eyelids periodically to
lubricate your eyes."
Idiots in the neighborhood:
I live in a semi-rural area. We recently had a new neighbor
call the local township administrative office to request the
removal of the deer crossing sign on our road. The reason: many
deer were being hit by cars and he no longer wanted them to cross there.
Idiots and computers:
My neighbor works in the operations department in the central
office of a large bank. Employees in the field call him when they
have problems with their computers. One night he got a call from a
woman in one of the branch banks who had this question: "I've got
smoke coming from the back of my terminal. Do you guys have a
Idiots are easy to please
I was sitting in my science class, when the teacher commented
that the next day would be the shortest day of the year. My lab
partner became visibly excited, cheering and clapping. I explained
to her that the amount of daylight changes, not the actual amount
of time. Needless to say, she was very disappointed.
Idiots in food services
My daughter went to a local taco bell and ordered a taco. She
asked the individual behind the counter for "Minimal lettuce."
he said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg.
A customer at a sub shop ordered "A small soda." The owner
"I'm sorry, Sir, but we don't have small, just medium and
large." (both cost 99 cents.) The kicker came when the customer,
a rather well-dressed business type, disappointedly said, "Okay,
I guess I'll just have to have the medium then."
Idiots do math:
A co-worker was telling us about her sister who was coming to
visit her for the holidays. Someone asked how old her sister was,
at which she paused, thought for a bit, and then answered, "She's
half as old as I am, that's how I always remember." So someone
else (okay, it was me) said, "That's neat... So every year that
you age, she only ages half a year?" My co-worker thought about
that, and then said, "Oh,yeah, I guess it only works on even years.
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