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Mr. Goodbar

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Mr. Goodbar
It was another Payday, and I was tired of being Mr. Goodbar. So I saw Miss Hershey standing behind the Powerhouse on the corner of Clark and Fifth Avenue, and I whipped out my Whopper and whispered, "Hey Sweetart, how'd you like to Krunch on my Big Hunk for a Million Dollar Bar?" Well, she immediately went down on my Tootsie Roll, and, Uno, it was like pure Almond Joy. I couldn't help but grab her delicious Mounds 'cause it was easy to see that this little Twix had the Red Hots. It was all I could do to hold back a Snicker and a Krackle as my Butterfinger went up her tight little KitKat and she started to scream "Oh Henry, Oh Henry!" Soon she was fondling my Peter Paul and Zagnuts and I knew it wouldn't be long before I blew my Milkduds clear to Mars and gave her a taste of the old Milky Way. She asked if I was into M&M, but I said "Hey Chiclet, no kinky stuff." I said "Look you little Reese Piece, don't be a Zero be a Lifesaver. Why don't you just take my Whatchamacallit and slip it up your Bit O'Honey?" (And what a piece of JuicyFruit she was, too). She screamed, "Oh Crackerjack, you're better than the Three Musketeers!" as I rammed my Ding Dong up her Rocky Road and into her Peanut Butter Cup. Well, I was givin' it to her Good 'n' Plenty, when all of the sudden...my Starburst! Yeah, as luck would have it, she started to grow a bit Chunky and complained of a Wrigley in her stomach. Sure enough, nine months later, out popped........... a Baby Ruth!
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Entered on: 04/23/1998
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